My Voice

Ways to Save Petrol

2008-06-06T13:52:00.004+08:00

With our petrol price on the verge of exploding. There seems to be a lot of sincere articles and write-outs teaching us how to save petrol.

You can find one here: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/130505_fuel.html

Now, let's take a minute to reflect on this whole save your petrol thingy. Do you realize none of the articles can tell you how much you can save by "keeping constant cruising speed while driving" or "don't brake so often" to switching off your engine while at traffic lights? So how much do you think you can save from your mileage? An average Joe in KL uses about RM90 a week of petrol (after the increase) with a mileage of about 400 KM per pump (RM0.225 per KM). In a month he drives about 1200KM and uses RM360 of petrol. Try as hard as I might the highest mileage I got was 450KM for each pump. So that means my mileage saved is RM0.025 per KM or RM30 a month!

Question. IS THIS WORTH THE SAVING? RM30 a month of savings but imagine the torture and discipline you have to put in every single day of your driving! Emasculated and selling your manhood behind the wheel for a mere RM30 a month???

I say we just drive like a real man. If RM30 a month seems like a real saving then I think using a car might not be too suitable for you. Keep the car at home and hop on a bus. RM30 a month might just be all your need to get around town.

How to not sleep for 24 hours

2008-06-05T02:59:00.003+08:00

Okay admit it. There are times when you really have to rush an assigment or complete a job throughout the night.

Here are a few tips to help you stay awake throughout the night:

(1) Don't eat too full
If you intend to burn the candle on both ends refrain from pigging out during dinner. Eat as little as you can and cut down on your carbs. Carbs make you sleepy.

(2) Understand your breakthrough point
We'll be extremely sleepy on a window of time, maybe from 11 p.m - 1 a.m. But once you pass that threshold.

(3) Take showers throughout the night
Yes a good shower wakes you up like nobody's business. Take regular showers throughout the night.

(4) Drink coffee
Coffee is God's best gift to mankind. It keeps your heart pumping hard and brings plenty of oxygen to your brain to keep you sharp and prevent you from dozing off.

(5) Change your working environment
If you're working in your room, try bringing your laptop to your living room to work.

(6) [Dangerous] Take short powernap
But don't lie on your bed! It'll guarantee to spoil your sleepless night.

Do you realize that your body temperature changes as the night progress?

Happy working!

Leadership

2008-05-03T12:32:00.000+08:00

http://mrmanager.blogspot.com/2008/05/have-you-seen-chief-minister-sit-in.html

Vote for Hannah Yeoh

2008-02-23T00:35:00.001+08:00

http://hannahyeoh.blogspot.com

Buying Original

2006-04-15T00:57:00.000+08:00

I get this bewildered look whenever people find out that I spend money on original DVDs. Goodness, why did you waste RM69 for a DVD when you can get a perfect duplicate for RM5?

Here’s why I spent the RM69. See, in life, there’s something called reward. If you did a great job, it is normal to expect your employer to reward you for your hard work. That reward, be it in cash or praises, reinforces your attitude. Humans and animals are wired to repeat the actions that bring positive responses. If a child has always been reaffirmed whenever he does something good, chances are he’ll always be going that.

Now, the same can be said about movide producers, actors and the like. When they make good show and I buy the original DVD, I’m rewarding them for their effort. Oh yes, they might have made a few millions along the way, but think about it, if they did a great movie and nobody buys the original, everyone downloads or burns, then we are killing the industry.

There will be no motivation for movie producers to make good movies. There will be no reason why people would write good books. No singers would want to stay up late to perfect their singing. No composer would want to fine tune their pieces.

Imagine a world of sub-standard. Actors who forget their lines, singers who sang out of tune, guitarists who miss a chord, writers who produc louzy novel. You don’t hear of best-sellers or box-office records, because society never rewards the over-achievers.

I can’t imagine that world ... that’s why I buy original DVDs. Because with my RM69, I am investing to a better movie experience, to a better book, to a better song and a better idea.

The Nicene Creed

2006-04-02T00:21:00.000+08:00

Have you ever pondered about words, this powerful thing humans possess called words? We are humans not because we look a little better than monkeys, but because we have words. Words are to us what our body is to our soul. Humanity = words.

Often you would come across writings that grabs you from the characters. One such writing is the Nicene Creed. This is what I believe:

We believe in one God and the Father Almighty,
Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.
And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God,
begotten of the Father before all worlds,
God of God, Light of Light, Very God of Very God,
begotten, not made, being of once substance with the Father
by whom all things were made;
who for us men and for our salvation
came down from heaven,
and was incarnate by the Holy Ghost
of the Virgin Mary,
and was made man;
and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered and was buried;
and the third day he rose again
according to the Scriptures,
and ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of the Father;
and he shall come again, with glory,
to judge both the quick and the dead;
whose kingdom shall have no end.

And we believe in the Holy Ghost,
the Lord and Giver of Life,
who proceedeth from the Father and the Son;
who with the Father and the Son together
in worshipped and glorified;
who spake by the prophets.

And we believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church;
we acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins;
and we look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. AMEN.

Disgusted

2005-11-25T10:11:00.000+08:00

Due to recent investigation result, the content of this post has been deleted.

How does God’s Voice Sound Like?

2005-11-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered how would God’s voice sound like? Perhaps something deep, coarse and matured? Or thundering, defeaning and storm-like? It isn’t hard to image, based on comics and Hollywood’s rendering that God if He speaks, would thunder across the plains, you would have to hold on to dear life for fear of being swept away.

Many months ago while hanging out with my cell members, I found out that a girl in cell was given a “Christian” name by our pastor. Initially she resented the name, until one night. From what I can remember, pastor and the guys were sleeping in the hall while the girls were in another room. During dawn, she was awoken by pastor calling her (by her Christian name). It was rather loud and she gave him a call on his handphone, but there was no answer. In the morning, our pastor denied he ever called her name before daybreak.

A similar incident happened in the Bible where God called the boy Samuel. Now, it is very interesting to note that Samuel had not “known God” at that age. Perhaps God was merely a name to him. One night he heard Eli called, but when Samuel went to Eli, Eli denied ever calling Samuel. Only after three times did Eli realize it was God who was calling Samuel.

Now let me ask you, why did Samuel mistaken God’s voice to be Eli’s? If it were somebody elses voice calling Samuel, he would have freaked out. Instead of going to Eli and saying “Here I am”, Samuel would run as fast as his tiny legs could carry. But Samuel didn’t and because he repeatedly thought Eli had called, the voice he heard was unmistakenly Eli’s. Samuel wasn’t hard of hearing and being Eli’s disciple since birth, he knew initmately the voice of his master. God’s voice was exactly like Eli’s.

God’s voice, if he ever speaks audibly to us, sounds very much like our spiritual leader. To take it to another level, our spiritual leaders are God’s voice to us on earth. Their advice, teachings and admonitions are what God would have said to us if He was physically present here on earth.

I am learning to submit to my leaders even though their advice and teachings are ocassionally hard to follow. However, God will honor our obedience and bless our decision as we serve our spiritual leaders.

High School Pics

2005-07-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

No points for guessing where I am in the photos.

Just Be Yourself

2005-07-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

I’ve always heard people say with utmost sincerely to be yourself. Sounds familiar? Don’t try to be someone you’re not. You got to just be yourself.

What sounded like great revelational truth soon disturbed me greatly. Isn’t life greatest lesson to be better than yourself? To overcome yourself? In order to be successful, we have to change from what we’re not to what we can be. In essence, we can’t be ourselves.

Not being ourselves means being able to decide what we we want to feel and how we want to feel. Not being ourselves means being able to bring our emotions under control. Many times what we know to be true contradicts how we ought to feel about it. For guys especially, when we see pretty girls, no matter how horrible her personality is, we tend to overlook that. But place an ugly female in their midst, the intentions of our hearts will be exposed.

In the Bible, we are called to master our emotions. Commands like love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, rejoice in persecution. Those are oxymorons and an antithesis to our emotions and mind. Can you love without liking? That’s a good test to see if you can place your emotions under control.

Granted, there are times when our emotions go haywire and we are overwhelmed by it. Even though we know we should not feel depressed, angry or bitter, we can’t help but feel that way. The Bible has a solution and is found in 2 Corinthians 10:4 - 5:

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (NIV)

Friends, the key to bring our emotions to submission is to take captive all our thoughts. When we start having thoughts that go against the Word of God, we must immediately sieze it and subject it to Jesus. We want to make our thought-life obedient to Christ. Our emotions flow naturally from what we are thinking. If we have good, positive and hopeful thoughts, we will seldom experience mood swings and depression. However, if our minds are always thinking about who isn’t liking us or about how others are not loving us, looking down on us; I’m a failure, I’m hopeless or I'm not good, then we give our emotions a stronghold in our lives. A little surge of events will trigger an avalanche of thoughts, feelings and mood swings.

One very effective way for me to bring my emotions to submission is to deliberately disobey them. Ocassionally, I would come across people I hate, for whatever reason. My emotions will play tricks with me but instead of wallowing in hatred and suspicion, I deliberately go out of my way to bless them, greet them, talk and encourage them. Nearly every time, my emotions would be proven wrong. I would soon realize they are nice people after all. When I feel intimated by another person, I would deliberately go up to him, befriend him and strike a conversation.

It works the same with fears. Some say fear is merely False Evidence Appearing Real. So what better way to prove to yourself that those fears are unsubstianted than by facing them. Fear of dark? Switch off the lights and imagine God is with you. Fear of heights? Go for rock climbing. Fear of failure? Keep trying. Fear of public speaking? Take every opportunity to speak to the masses. You’ll be surprised that many a times you can transform your very fear into strength.

There is nothing fearful except fear itself.

What About Me?

2005-07-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I would come across people whose motto in life is what about me? And after hearing many problems from people, I have to conclude that most problem in life arrise when our focus is on ourselves. When I start to look at myself and see all the unfair things life has thrown at me, I’d become bitter, cynical and without hope.

I think successful people -- those who can rise up after failures, those who can still keep giving when things are tough, have a tendancy on looking beyond themselves. Life can heap burning coals on us, friends can betray, grades can falter and so long as we keep looking at Jesus. We can still go on.

Every time when we go through failures and shitty days, days when everything and everyone seems to go wrong, we need to keep looking at Jesus. When we lift our eyes from our pit, from our situation from ourselves, we see hope, we see power, we see a God who can do the impossible and most important of all -- we see faith. Faith says I know I’m in sinking mud, but God can and will rescue me. Those who keep looking at themselves and their sad situation sees bitterness, anger and unbelief. Unbelief says things will get worst and I’ll probably die before anything happens.

Unbelief sees the glass as half full, sees the pain rather than the promise, sees the sacrifice rather than the blessings, sees the good that he has to give up, rather than the best he’s gonna receive. People with unbelief doesn’t want to listen to hope. If you tell them that God’s gonna bless them financially, they’ll show you ten Christians who are living in poverty. If you say God will protect you, they tell you there are missionaries who have been raped. You tell them God’s gonna heal, they tell you it’s psychological. You tell them God loves you, they show you pictures of deformed babies and ask you is this God’s love?

What’s worst, they get defensive about their unbelief and live in constant fear, doubt and bitterness.

I like this story of a father who brought his son to Jesus. Jesus looked him in the eye and asked if he believed his son could be healed. The father said, “I believe, help my unbelief.”

I believe but help my unbelief. What a revelation! The father must’ve have fasted and prayed for his son’s healing. He must have sought the greatest miracle worker at those time. Must’ve gone to church everyday of the week if he could. Must’ve made vows and promises to God. But no avail, silence from heaven. Slowly, his faith turned into despair and unbelief. He must have caught himself sneering at those who claims to be healed, argued with his friends about God’s reality.

But yet deep down in his heart, he had wanted to belief. He wanted so desperately to believe that God can pull through and his precious boy could be healed. But he’s been so disappointed, so disillusioned about this believe crap that he would rather be wrong than to be hurt by the truth.

Many times, we are like the unbelieving father who wants to belief. We are bitter, angry and defensive. Can we allow Jesus to ask us if we believe He would healed, can we tell Him that yes Jesus, I believe, but help my unbelief.

I Can’t Help It

2005-06-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

Taking a step back from life and observing human beings, you can’t help but realize some people have an uncontrollable twitch for certain things. Like some music prodigy, they are able to see music while most of us could only hear. Or maths wizard who could formulate theorems and equations. They all have a knack for certain things that normal human beings don't. Perhaps they're wiered a little different from the rest of us.

I realize I also have a thing for efficiency. I got all excited over some softwares that helped me to track my personal library books and remind me of car maintanance. When I was in Melbourne Australia, I arranged my shopping list so that I only walk through an aisle in the super market once and get everything for the week in one pass.

Soon, I realize that whenever I’m in McDs, I feel a little irritated when I’m asked questions regarding my order. After eating in McDs for awhile, I begin to anticipate their questions and how the orders are keyed in.

“Hi sir, would ...”

“Yes,

(1) Having here
(2) Could you give me a small vanilla ice cream cone, with
(3) A large McFriz orange
(4) That’s all.
(5) Yes, that’s all.

Thank you.”

Or when Nat and I are having McDonalds breakfast.

“Having here, give me one Egg McMuffin burger, just the burger with a cup of tea and one McMuffin with egg burger and a cup of regular Coke. That’s it.”

Usually in the afternoon, I’ll go like this:

“Having here. I’d like to have a Fillet regular meal, could you change the drink to Spirit please.”

I’ll score points with myself if there are no questions asked. They really love customers like me, instead of those aunties who couldn’t make up their minds and keep asking the kids what they’d have and disagreeing with them after their preference has been conveyed. Whenever I see moms lining up with few kids orbitting around them, I instinctively translate to the next line. What irritates me the most, besides from those kids who aren’t happy with their happy meals, are patrons who engage in conversations with the cashier.

You never ask a McDs cashier question, it’s a cardinal sin in the kingdom of efficiency. They have the price list put up above your head for a reason and they didn’t spend good money to print those bigger than life burgers for decoration. Can’t you see that Fillet-O-fish burger doesn’t come with veggy? Or that there’s more than one drink besides Coke. YES, you can ask them for a Beef burger without beef, without the burger. You’re the customer, just tell them what you want and let the world rotate in peace.

To those people who can’t make up their minds on what to eat. Just pick any burger, you can always order another one later or some other day. I mean you have 70 years to enjoy the McDonals franchise, one wrong burger a day wouldn’t kill you. Let me help you ...

There are only three types of meat in McDs, let’s do this together:

(1) Type of meat: Fish, Chicken or Beef (sorry, no bacon).
(1.1) Don’t know, choose fish, it's the most healthy.
(2) Two kinds of fish: Fillet-O-Fish or Fish Dippers.
(2.1) Don’t know, choose the Fillet burger.

(3) Three kinds of chicken: Fried chicken, McChicken, McDeluxe or Chicken Wraps.
(3.1) Don’t know, choose McChicken, no mess and easy to eat.
(4) Lots of beef: Don’t know, choose Double Cheese Burger. Why? RM2.50, it’s cheaper than making it yourself.

Making choices are relatively easy. You always have a don’t-know-clause to fall back on those days where your brain can’t decide between Big Mac or Fish-dippers. Queues in McDs will reduce drastically and they can employ less people to handle lunch hour rush, making more money out of their burgers and charging us for less.

Isn’t this efficiency?

Starting It Out Right

2005-02-22T09:39:00.000+08:00

It gives me great pleasure and satisfaction to understand something thoroughly and in depth. When I am passionate about some stuff, I’d burn my brains to gain deeper understanding about it. Although not a world-class C++ programmer, but C++ was my first love. I strip it bare, run my fingers over the language and was deeply intimate with its advance features.

The key to be good at something is to start out right. I’ve come across people who believes that being at any University is not a big deal -- “everywhere’s the same, it’s what you do at work that matters”. I beg to differ, Stanford University produced the founders of Sun and HP. Now, this blog entry isn’t about which good university to go. It’s about starting out right. If you want to be successful at any stuff that you do, you have to start out right. How? By finding good books to learn from.

It’s so important to start out right. When I started learning C++, I started with Robert Lafore’s Object-Oriented Programming in Microsoft C++. It grounded me in C++. Then I proceeded to other advanced C++ books, such as C++ Templates: The Complete Guide -- by David Vandevoorde, Nicolai M. Josuttis and The C++ Standard Library : A Tutorial and Reference by Nicolai M. Josuttis.

Now that I’m learning C#, Microsoft’s latest programming language -- I sought out books that are understandable and really give you solid teaching. Books such as C# Primer Plus (Primer Plus (Sams)) by Klaus Michelsen and Programming Windows with C# (Core Reference) -- by Charles Petzold. When I wanted to learn database programming in C#, I found Beginning C# Databases: From Novice to Professional by James Huddleston, et al to be exceptionally clear and teachable.

Having been swimming in the sea of blurnes by Monash University, it is both a relief and inspiration to have knowledge that is both understandable and learnable.

Who Is Your Hero?

2004-12-24T14:18:00.000+08:00

I have been asked that question countless times in my life, but never once have I given an answer. Sure, I look up to Bill Gates for giving us Power At Our Fingertips, Einstein for atomic bombs, Newton for calculus; but I don't have somebody whom I can truly say is my hero.

I found one today.

One cannot be living in the 21st century and not heard things about U.S. President George W. Bush. My housemates in Melbourne commented that Bush was the dumbest guy he's ever come across. He's not alone apparently as Bush's popular ratings dipped to a historical low this week. I know most Malaysians wanted Kery to win the 2004 election. I also know some Americans who apologized to the world for re-electing Bush.

Nevertheless, President George W. Bush is my hero.

His refusal to give in to popularity despite heavy criticism and hatred abound. Most politician judge themselves by their many supporters and followers. According to Times Magazine, Bush by his enemies. His policy remains that if you're doing something right, you will face greater persecution. In the midst of dwindling public opinions, the 'mistake' in Iraq, falling economy and terrorism, president Bush stood to his ground. Most leaders make policies to please their followers, Bush told his potential voters to choose him because he doesn't change his stand. He banked on his two strength -- religion and leadership, and emerged victorious.

I read this interesting event on a town-hall presidential debate. One lady asked him to name three mistakes he's made as a president. Bush dodged her question and was walloped by Kery. Once the cameras were off, he tracked that lady down and said, "I appreciate your question and I believe you're not playing gotcha's with the president. [My own words: It's bad to answer your question publicly given the political atmosphere] Just to reassure you, I did not do everything right."

A leader is one who does something right even if it's unpopular. President George W. Bush is truly my hero.

No Expectations

2004-11-05T21:34:00.000+08:00

I once asked a friend why can he keep on being so optimistic and cheerful about friends? I’m sure we’ve been hurt by others, being insulted, shouted upon and taken for a ride? He’s answer – no expectation. That way you will not be hurt.

No expectation, that’s a crazy but thoughtful philosophy. It goes against every grain of our fibre. Even babies are born with expectations. On the extreme spectrum, I’m sure we’ve come across individuals who have a huge unreasonable expectation for others and they set themselves up for disappointment and hurt. I once know a girl who would make friends (not boyfriends) musical-chair style. She will be very excited to meet new people and be close to them. Then after a short while, conflict would develop and instead of rough it out or confronting them, she would ditch her friends. It’s interesting to know how she does that. She will be overly friendly with others but when it comes to you, it’s icy cold. One desperate guy went all the way to apologize to her over something which he doesn’t even know. After spending more time with her, I could understand her behaviour. Her extreme expectation of love from others came from an acute neglect at home. Parents are divorced and her family background are stained with broken relationships. Little wonder she messes her up as well.

Normal people like us occasionally have expectations for others that were not met. We expect our calls to be returned, appointments to be religiously kept, close friends to include you in their invitation list, people to listen to you while you share, friends whom you spend time with to keep you close to their heart and they value the things that matter to you. But somehow, maybe it is nobody’s fault, they are not met.

Do you get bitter and disappointed? Seek out friends who can consistently meet your expectations? Or do you just shrug and put on a don’t-know-don’t-care attitude. Isn’t it easier if you had not had an expectation to begin with? Can’t make it for your appointment, didn’t return my call, didn’t listen while I share, didn’t pay attention to me? I’m sure you have good reasons to, perhaps you are busy or maybe it had slipped your mind.

As you walk along life’s dusty road, you just have to keep remind yourself that life is short. There’s no time to keep looking at unmet expectations. You have to finish your race, you have to walk your path.

Doesn’t Love Me Anymore

2004-10-31T20:28:00.000+08:00

It’s not uncommon to see some Dear Amma’s across most girl magazines having letters from wives who complains that their husband doesn’t love them anymore.

My husband used to be a lover who could swoon me. He would give me flowers, kiss me till I felt my feet lifted, buy me soft-toys, write me poems, serenade me, drive me around, buy me shoes … But now, he hardly looks at me, let alone call me honey.

Come across this kind of letters? It kindda makes the male species look terrible. Like we’re mean little hunters who is only interested to get the girl and once our hunted is our possession, they’re a trophy worth only to be decorated.

However, I find this to be quite one sided. It comes from a very selfish love. Many girls have this mentality that the guy should do everything for her. She’s the princess in this relationship. Give me, give me, give me, what I want. Let the guy come to me, don’t let him think you’re “cheap”. Play hard to get cause guys like the thrill of chase, don’t they?

So the girl will not make the first move, will not make the call. Her role is only to pick up the phone, and accept invitations. She waits for her man to make her feel good, to romanticize her, to get her out of her depression, to give her what she wants. If he really loves me, he will do all this. If the guy offends her just a little, she pays him back by withholding the greatest bargain asset she has – sex. I don’t feel like it so I won’t have sex. That will make him pay for what he’s done.

And the poor guy, after having done everything, sleeps alone that night.

I haven’t come across any guy who can go on loving while their wives are the cool cucumber in the relationship who only expects the man to do everything for her. She doesn’t make the effort to make him happy, to satisfy his needs. I mean if my husband loves me, he’ll do this and that.

Wake up girls. Guys are mere mortals who have their needs. They can’t just go on giving forever. Nobody can reach out his hand to love, get hurt instead, and reach out his hand the next day. Romance is a two way thing. If the wife wants to be romanticised, she has to play an active part in the equation too. Why can’t she open the door for her husband, bring him out for a date, serenade him, drive him to work and bring him out to a vacation?

But no, it hurts her ego and pride to be doing a man’s job.

So keep on writing those letters ladies. I don’t think any man will become a Romeo after all the complaining and nagging.

A Game of Tennis?

2004-10-31T20:06:00.000+08:00

I picked up Tennis many years ago in a club nearby. My group of friends were quite excited over learning a new sport so we got serious and got ourselves coached. Sadly we did not finish all the lessons and the only thing I could do very well was back-stroke.

What seems like an easy stunt of Tennis turned out to be quite a challenge. Back-stroke requires one to position correctly where the ball lands on the court, make a forward move and with one swing from behind, delivers the ball to the opponent. One of the early training before we perfect our back-stroke is hitting the ball against a wall. You, your tennis racket, ball and the wall.

Some of my friendship feels exactly like this. You, your attention, time and the wall. At least it’s not as bad as those whom you feel like playing tennis with alone. Have you played Tennis alone? Or plays Tennis with your opponent who doesn’t return your ball. This is what you can do, you begin with a box of tennis balls and start hitting to your opponent and all he does is stand there. I wonder how long can this game last.

You begin quite excitedly by serving your tennis ball, you hit them with your attention, your time, your concern, e-mails, SMSes and almost everything you got in your box. But they seldom return your balls. You try harder, but they stood their ground. You try hard not to feel disappointed or sad. You begin the next day by getting a new box of balls. The ‘game’ is still the same. You scream across the net, encouraging your friend to return your ball so the game can continue. They do it for awhile, but soon, you’re playing alone again. Your playmate just love to see your balls flying to his court.

Perhaps they want to serve instead? So the next day you decided you are just gonna wait till they serve. But they did not. They’re enjoying themselves across the court, hanging out with people, sipping coffee, on the phone chatting while you wait for them to play. Maybe they don’t want to play, you thought and asked them. Oh no, they enjoy playing with you. They really do. You get all fired up for the next game. Sadly, it is still the same. You’ve exhausted your supply of tennis ball and have no ball to play anymore.

You dragged your feet away from the game, but your opponent calls out, hey, don’t go, I’ll try to serve this time, he said. You’re happy, yet hesitant to play, because they don’t return your balls.

Love Compels

2004-10-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

Serving God by serving other people can sound quite terrible some times. It’s worst when you yourself need the love and attention you give out. Perhaps after awhile you get tired, disillusion and grow despair over how unfair life (or God) is to you.

What kept the early Christian leaders going? This was their reply:

2 Corinthians 5:14—15 “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raise again.” (NIV)

Seeing Through God’s Eyes

2004-10-26T22:34:00.000+08:00

As I journey through life, losing my footings are an inevitable experience. It comes when depressing feelings come crashing just before an exam paper. Or perhaps nobody paid any attention to me at a party. Petty reasons but enough to trigger an avalanche of emotions.

Psalm 73
¹Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
² But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
³ For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
⁴ They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.
⁵ They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.
⁶ Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
⁷ From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
⁸ They scoff, and speak with malice;
in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
⁹ Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
¹⁰ Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.
¹¹ They say, “How can God know?
Does the Most High have knowledge?”

¹² This is what the wicked are like-
always carefree, they increase in wealth.
¹³ Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
¹⁴ All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning.

¹⁵ If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
I would have betrayed your children.
¹⁶ When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me
¹⁷ till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.

¹⁸ Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
¹⁹ How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
²⁰ As a dream when one awakes,
so when you arise, O Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds. (NIV)

The God of Who

2004-10-26T09:26:00.000+08:00

For those who are desperately wanting to change their behaviours or actions are always in the dilemma of what to do. If I’m addicted to certain habits, what can I do to get out of it. If I can’t control my carnal desires, what methods should I use to put them to subjection.

A light went off during Pastor Malcolm’s message. The God we serve answers those question by who. In Romans 7:24 “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (NIV)

Those who focus on what they can do will ultimately fail, but those who focus on what Jesus can do will overcome.

He Understands

2004-10-25T21:51:00.000+08:00

The bible contains the voices of many who are depressed, down-hearted and just plain sad. For whatever reasons, their emotions betrayed them and they were unable to bear the weight of their burdens. Occassionally a Christian’s life is plague by excessive sorrows and pain. We take comfort that God understands. It’s in His Word.

Psalm 69

1 Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.

2 I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
3 I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.

4 Those who hate me without reason
outnumber the hairs of my head;
many are my enemies without cause,
those who seek to destroy me.
I am forced to restore
what I did not steal.

5 You know my folly, O God;
my guilt is not hidden from you.

6 May those who hope in you
not be disgraced because of me,
O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel.
7 For I endure scorn for your sake,
and shame covers my face.
8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
an alien to my own mother's sons;
9 for zeal for your house consumes me,
and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.

10 When I weep and fast,
I must endure scorn;
11 when I put on sackcloth,
people make sport of me.
12 Those who sit at the gate mock me,
and I am the song of the drunkards.

13 But I pray to you, O LORD ,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
14 Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,
from the deep waters.
15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
or the depths swallow me up
or the pit close its mouth over me.
16 Answer me, O LORD , out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.
17 Do not hide your face from your servant;
answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
18 Come near and rescue me;
redeem me because of my foes.

19 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed;
all my enemies are before you.
20 Scorn has broken my heart
and has left me helpless;
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
for comforters, but I found none.
21 They put gall in my food
and gave me vinegar for my thirst.

22 May the table set before them become a snare;
may it become retribution and [1] a trap.
23 May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see,
and their backs be bent forever.
24 Pour out your wrath on them;
let your fierce anger overtake them.
25 May their place be deserted;
let there be no one to dwell in their tents.
26 For they persecute those you wound
and talk about the pain of those you hurt.
27 Charge them with crime upon crime;
do not let them share in your salvation.
28 May they be blotted out of the book of life
and not be listed with the righteous.

29 I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.

30 I will praise God's name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.
31 This will please the LORD more than an ox,
more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.
32 The poor will see and be glad-
you who seek God, may your hearts live!
33 The LORD hears the needy
and does not despise his captive people.

34 Let heaven and earth praise him,
the seas and all that move in them,
35 for God will save Zion
and rebuild the cities of Judah.
Then people will settle there and possess it;
36 the children of his servants will inherit it,
and those who love his name will dwell there.

Dad’s Bookshelf

2004-09-29T01:41:00.000+08:00

Not to say that I’m a programming genuis. But people around me often wonder why I can grasp programming concept effortlessly or design computer programs with relative ease. Some suspected that my brains are wired a little differently.

The truth I believe has got little to do with how my brains are wired. I thank Jesus for all the talents He’s given to each one of us. Just like what He said in the parables of the talents -- it ultimately depends on what we do with our talents. My dabbling with the programming language came unexpectedly from a book squeezed inside my daddy’s bookshelf.

Many years ago when I was about to finish primary school, I decided I wanted to learn programming. Dad dropped a hint about a programming language called C. Unknown to me until today, at about the same time there was a box of 5" diskette labeled Microsoft C/C++ 7.0 lying around. Although dad used to program a little for computers, he doesn't speak C. So I have absolutely no idea why a C/C++ compiler in my house. I installed the program, whip out that dusty old book by Robert Lafore and started copying examples and compiling them. Pretty soon, I was stuck at chapter 1. Perhaps C++ could solve my problem, I thought and began hunting for a good C++ book.

It so happen dad took me to MicroFest (a computer fare in Civic Centre, PJ) shortly after USPR (end of primary year 6 examination) and there it was. A C++ book by Robert Lafore called “Object-Oriented Programming in Microsoft C++”. No knowledge of C was required. I got this book and the rest was history. C++ fueled my passion for programming. Most of my holidays in secondary school would be spent on programming with some cheap classical music in the background.

Strange as it may sound, I owe many of my life’s “accomplishments” (if permitted to call them so) to various obsure books tuck away in my dad’s bookshelf. My interest for Christian theology started when I pulled out a tattered Brethren Christian Doctrine book for lay people. I got into reading Bible commentaries because dad has a wonderful commentary for Genesis in his collection.

When I finally settled into Electrical engineering, dad proudly pulled out many worm-eaten, yellow-paged Electronis hobbist books he acquired during his growing up years. He told me rather regretedly if mom had not made him discard his old junks, he would have even more Electronics magazine. They were all tucked lonelily away in dad’s bookshelf.

There were some days when dad was frantically searching for some book he believed was on the bookshelf, murmuring if mom had thrown his precious collections. The smile that came after a successful find was immensely priceless. I have moved twice since birth. That same old bookshelf -- handmade by dad, probably moved with me as well. Occassionally when I visit the utility room where his bookshelf lies, I’ll cast a glance at the various books dad accumulated. My glance fell on that programming book and on that day when I laid eyes on it. Now I have my own bookshelf filled with later editions of some best programming book ever written. They are here because of that one brush with my dad’s bookshelf.

Privacy

2004-09-13T11:42:00.000+08:00

Walking through subways corridors in Melbourne always calls for mindless glance at advertisement posters. One in particular talks about each person’s rights for privacy regarding his personal information. In almost all western countries, privacy is something to die for. Recently a suggestion by the prime minister of Britian to introduce Identity Cards for their citizens were met with heated oppositions. Australia does not even have an identification system. They rely on driver’s licence to verify your eligiblity in purchasing cigarette and watching M (mature) rated movies.

The internet sees a power play regarding privacy. Its architecture itself was built on the foundation of privacy -- no governemnt issued security ID are required to go online, e-mails can be sent with fake return address and no central identity moderating what’s going on inside it. Recently Goggle introduced an unprecendented 1 Gig e-mail that was met with much outcry--not over their generous 1 Gig of free e-mail storage space but with their creepy computers which read mails and select appropriate advertisements to show you. Privacy groups condemned the concept, calling it an invasion over personal privacy and (I think) attempted to influence government intervention over such system.

A car insurance company introduced a tracking system which records driving behaviour (how fast you drive and how often you stomp on the breaks, etc.) with much pacifying statments that the use of the driving behaviour datas are solely for insurance premium discounts--nothing more.

Westerns’ peroccupation with privacy is something almost unheard of in our Asian culture. Each citizen in Malaysia are stamped with a unique identification number after 12. No one's paranoid over the authorities misuing your information. The average Ah Kao in this country doesn’t even know he has his ‘rights’ in terms of privacy. If you fail to show up at the doorsteps of National Service duty, your name would be published in local newspapers.

But our average Ah Kao’s (Joes) and Ah Lian’s (Marrys) are very much aware of their own privacy regarding modesty. They can deny morality or subscribe to relativism. But one thing is absolute--modesty. My body is guarded so heavily we dare not show ourselves in swimsuit considered out-of-fashion by the West. Bikini’s are still restricted to the daring minorities. Going topless on beaches? You can easily find more prostitutes than topless girls.

One culture values privacy, it expresses itself inmovies like Enemy of the States but has little or no problem having nude advertisements in billboards or magazines. Our culture has no qualms about privacy but wall up our bodies.

Does It Matter?

2004-08-08T17:41:00.000+08:00

Let me tell you the friends I have…

I have a friend who came back from Australia for a visit and wanted to hang out. He spent half an hour talking on his hand-phone while I stared at thin air.

I have a friend who complains I seldom call him. One evening I called. “Oh Shaohen … err … I’m watching TV…”

I have a friend who when he hangs out with you, he’s actually hanging out with his phone. If it’s not a call from some long lost acquaintances, it’s endless SMSes. If you call him when he’s busy, he’ll make you feel as though you’re interrupting him. Then one day he’ll come to me and say why don’t I call and why don’t I spend time with him. The day when I wanted, he had to work. One afternoon he called when I’m in class and called later when I’m having another class. I came home rather late that night and SMSed him instead. He commented that I’ve changed, don’t return calls anymore and said I’ve moved on.

I have a friend who complains that I don’t care for him anymore. I made an appointment with him in the afternoon of my precious off day. Half and hour before the ‘date’. “I’m sorry Shaohen, I have to study.” Few days later after lunch, I asked if he wants to hang out because I really want to spend time with him. Sure he said. Hardly 10 minutes into the ride, he got a call from another friend asking if he’s interested to watch a movie. “Watch movie ah? …” he looked at me sheepishly. I made a U turn and took him home.

Some times you don’t want to let it bother you. You just want to love unconditionally, but you have to at least scratch your head. They complain I don’t have time for them, I don’t love them anymore, I don’t care.

I don’t have time. I have Monash. Maybe my ‘friends’ have not experienced life of Engineering students—Monash Engineering students. If they can call you up in the week and ask you for a movie, then you can be assured of two things. It’s holiday or they don’t give a thing for their studies. Some ex Monash graduates made a calculation that if according to their recommended study hours, all Monash engineering students can only sleep for 3 hours every day.

I don’t have time. I have Youth Ministry. I have to prepare a weekly WORD agenda. It usually takes two nights and about 2 ~ 3 hours each to come out with a WORD that is interesting and relevant to the youth. I have to mentor cell leaders and if I really do my work well, I have to spend at least an hour preparing for the mentoring session. I have to spend time with the youth, listening to them and occasionally advising them.

But I crave out time occasionally for them. Is it too much to ask you tell the person on the phone that you’ll call him back later? Is it too much to miss your favorite TV show to talk on the phone? Is it too much to tell your friend on the phone that you can’t go for the movie because you’re spending time with me? Because it doesn’t make sense for me to do these things to my ‘friends’.

When I am spending time with people and I get a call to chat. I’ll politely assure him that I’ll call back later once I’m home.

I switch off the TV when someone calls to chat. Because they are more important that the idiot box.

I had a long day on Friday. My Friday started at 9 all the way till 11.30 p.m. Monash ended at 6 p.m. and there was cell at 8. I had a workshop early the next Saturday afternoon. I’m exhausted. I didn’t feel like hanging out. When I saw you, I recall that you want to spend time with me. I remember you saying you feel I didn’t care anymore. A phone call came asking if you want to watch movie and you can’t even say no. It shows you don’t value your time with me. It shows you couldn’t care less about the effort I put in to want to help you. You can’t even decide what is important.

I don’t know if I have a right to be angry. Here you are, wanting to give your time, your attention and love because you think they want it, only to have to slap on your face. You treat friendship with utmost importance, only to find out it doesn’t matter to them. When they were in need, you sacrificed your time, sleep and energy. You believe they matter, only to find out you don’t really matter to them.

I have a friend whom I like spending time with. When I have available time, I will make an effort to see him. After awhile, I realize I’m the one making the calls, I’m the one asking him out for lunch. Soon, I wonder if it matters to him. If it matters to him whether I spend time with him. Does it matter to him if I don’t call? One day he said he doesn’t want to take out so much of my time. Thanks so much for your consideration. I don’t know if I should be grateful. One night I asked if he wants to hang out. “I don’t feel like going out,” he said. I found out the next day he spent the whole night playing games.

Getting angry with this makes me feel like a kid. You can’t go to him and say, “What’s the matter with you? You would rather spend time playing computer games than spending time with me?” You would rather watch a movie? You would rather watch a TV show? You would rather talk on the phone than talk to a person real life?

Maybe it doesn’t matter to them. Maybe friendship isn’t something important. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I place too much importance on friendship. Maybe it’s time to move on to other friends who place importance on friendship, who feels that people are more important than TV or computer games. Maybe it’s time to move on to friends whom I can gain benefit. Maybe it’s time to find out friends who need to hear about Jesus.

More Exams Woes

2004-06-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

There were only two exams in my life where I know I would fail even before the exams started. No wait, three actually. During my SPM (year 11 equivalent) exam, they were history and moral education. I really had confidence that I will score the coveted F9 (lowest grade in SPM) for both of them. But it turns out miraculously (all praise be to God) that I not only passed my history examination but got a credit—much to my history teacher’s amazement and shocked. My friends later told me she actually shed tears because “Yong Shaohen passed his history exam”.

I can’t say the same for moral. My result was so bad that it didn’t even show in my SPM certificate.

Today’s exam happened to be the third one. Now, in order to sympathize with me, just imagine you take a subject on Automobile System. For your tutorial or lab, you are required to drive the car, park the car with only two wheels and finish some off-road racing. But for your lecture, you’ll learn how the car works, from the automatic transmission concept, to why some car seats are so uncomfortable and why they have signal switch on both left and right.

The blessed subject was TEC2332 Operating System. It provided me with my much needed Monday morning catch-up sleep and at any hour when I opened the textbook. Although I’ve aced my labs, designing complicated UNIX programs in their few million dollar computer and putting up my website at http://www-personal.monash.edu.au/~syon1 , I could never understand the subject.

So the day before, I was contemplating the various dignified ways of walking out of that three hour paper, but nothing seemed appealing. Should I stand up after the 10 minutes reading time or walk out the moment the invigilator say, You can start now?

And so the fateful hour arrived. To my horror, they wouldn’t let me leave the room until an hour has elapsed! Hah! With so much time, I looked around the room and tried to get into a good dozing position. After some attempts, I finally settled into a conducive posture and ventured into lalaland, oblivious to the scribbling of pens and turning of pages. It was wonderful, so tranquil and calm. I dreamt of church back home, taking short-cuts to avoid the KL jams, jet-fighters ripping through the air, shooting SideWinders into unsuspecting enemy planes and …

“Excuse me…”

I jerked. Where was I? What did I do wrong?

“You can go now.”

Oh, ehehehe… so kind of them…

[4th November 2002]

Exams Woes (2002 Semester 2)

2004-06-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

I have a subject where the syllabus can range from first year physics to something the lecturer had mentioned for less than a few seconds.

After a gruesome test which the average mark was 33%, one student complained that the test has no relevance to the subject. So after one lecture, our lecturer responded to that question.

The whole room was silent and everyone frantically scrambled for their pens to write down what could be the key to successfully pass this exam. This, I thought, could be the beginning to my blissful examination.

"What is relevant," chipped the lecturer and turning to write down on the white board. My pen was ready. "Are ALL your lecture notes, ALL your handouts, ALL tutorials..."

At this point I stopped writing and looked at everyone's expression. Some were still thinking that the lecturer gave his biggest hint ever. My group mates were stunted and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"...ALL your labs and ALL that is mentioned in the lecture."

There was no smirk, no sympathetic look, just an expressionless face on this lecturer who is noted for relocating talking students to the front row.

I knew I was in for a roller-coaster ride.

*gulp* It'll only be God's grace if I score in this paper.

[31st October 2002]
-----------
I did indeed score a Distinction for this subject. Truly God's grace. (23th June 2004)

Eat To Live

2004-06-23T18:40:00.000+08:00

After ASTRO introduced the Discovery Travel & Adventure Channel, I have been seeing loads of eatting scenes. From the posh dining experiences, to eating intestine in some who knows where.

Every time after devouring some suspicious looking edibles, we get identical responses. Tasty, appetizing, mouth-watering, delectable, choice, dainty, savoury, flavoursome, flavourful, luscious, palatable, toothsome, ambrosial, ambrosian, nectareous, nectarean, scrumptious, yummy. And similar expressions. MmmmMMmmmMMm, HmmmMMMMmmmmMM, OoooOOOooOO, *shakes head in utter unbelief*, *closes eyes*, etc.

I seldom come across any Discovery Channel tour guide who ingests something resembling dog food and expresses what he REALLY feels about it. Heck, you can feed him with ANYTHING and it'll the most wonderful food he has ever tasted in his life. He swallows snake blood and it feels 'powerful'. She consumes some thingumabob and after what looks like a torturous grimace, lets out a strings of MmmmMMMmmmm.

Take Ian Wright for example. He eats anything till the verge of being censored. How can a normal human gives similar articulation to eating ice-cream, fish eggs, goat's eyes, worms and intestines? In an increasing craze for realism in entertainment, why can't anyone just let out a strings of yucks, creatively criticizes the food served and swear to his fork, he'll never eat it again?

Well, those after meal cliches lasted only till the Malaysian Durian. The only time truth was implied.